that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
