i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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