I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
