it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
