I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
