Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
