This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
