I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
