Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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