my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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