I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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