You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
