Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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