Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
