Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
