I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
