my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
