I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
