so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
