Whod you bang
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
