She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
