so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
