I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize