Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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