Apparently you make a good broom.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
