This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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