it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
