chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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