My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
...so i touched it.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
