someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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