I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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