i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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