"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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