no, he came in my armpit
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
