That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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