Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
