There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
