he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
A bitchslap is in order.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
