woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
