I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
