Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
