oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize