I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
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