don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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