he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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