I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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