i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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