Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
