I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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