1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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