so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize