I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My ATM looks so different sober.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
