Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
