I seem to have left my pride at pride
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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