First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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