I want you more than these girls want KFC
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
