Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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