I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize