Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
