Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
