Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
