im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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