She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
