I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
