When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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