Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
MIDGETS
????
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
