Rock
Scissors
Fuck
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
