So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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